The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
