I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
