Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In America we eat man semen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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