The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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