There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize