By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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