I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I want to be your penis for a week.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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