There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
