Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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