Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
