i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
