when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
