And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
