SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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