I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
