im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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