I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
