I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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