these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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