He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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