You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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