oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
