sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
ok first of all what the fuck
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