I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
