maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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