this beer tastes like vomit already
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
