Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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