Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize