Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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