i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
