just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
