They should really pass out barf bags in church
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
