So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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