i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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