How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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