he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
