i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
