It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
