shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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