What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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