My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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