Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
