I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
