Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize