I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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