So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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