This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
