I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
