I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
