Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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