That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
