May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
