There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
