Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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