he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
