Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
