Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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