WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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