I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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