He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
