I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
