I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
