I just cut my nipple shaving
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
