So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
