Porn is love you can see.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
