they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
