you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
