i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm at about main and main street
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
