there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
