There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
