Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's the barista slut.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize